Girls Who Code: Because Nothing Says ‘Fix the Economy’ Like Banning Teenagers from Learning Python
In the latest episode of “What Are They Even Mad About Now?” the Trump administration and its MAGA loyalists have set their sights on a new enemy: Girls Who Code. That’s right, folks. While the rest of us are out here trying to figure out how to afford eggs and pay rent, the MAGAverse is busy declaring war on teenage girls with laptops. Because nothing screams “Make America Great Again” like preventing young women from learning how to build a website.
Let’s set the scene. Imagine a group of high school girls sitting in a library, sipping iced coffees, and quietly typing away on their laptops. To you and me, this might look like the future of innovation. But to the Trump administration? It’s a full-blown crisis. “These girls are coding… without permission,” a MAGA spokesperson reportedly gasped, clutching their red hat. “What’s next? Women voting? Owning property? Understanding how to use Excel?”
In response, the Trump team has doubled down on its crusade against DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) initiatives, which they claim are “indoctrinating” young women into the dangerous world of… knowing things. Because nothing screams “tyranny” like a 16-year-old girl building an app to help her local food bank or debugging her school’s website. The horror!
But let’s pause for a moment and ask the real question here: How will banning girls from coding bring egg prices down? Seriously, someone explain it to me. Will the price of a dozen eggs magically drop if we prevent a 14-year-old from learning HTML? Will housing become affordable again if we stop girls from attending coding bootcamps? I’m just trying to connect the dots here, but all I’m seeing is a bunch of grown men yelling at teenagers for being good at math.
And let’s not forget the real victims in all of this: the MAGA lawmakers themselves. Imagine the existential dread of realizing that the girl next door could probably rewrite your entire campaign website in a weekend. Or worse, that she might one day use her coding skills to create a platform that holds politicians accountable. The horror!
But here’s the thing: the Trump administration’s war on girls who code isn’t really about coding. It’s about fear—fear of change, fear of progress, and fear of a future where women might actually have a seat at the table (or, in this case, a desk in Silicon Valley). Because if there’s one thing MAGA can’t stand, it’s the idea of someone else being in charge—especially if that someone is a teenage girl with a laptop and a dream.
So, to all the girls who code out there: keep doing what you’re doing. The future belongs to you, and no amount of red hats or poorly written legislation can change that. And to the Trump administration? Maybe it’s time to stop being afraid of girls who code and start focusing on, I don’t know, actual problems. Like why eggs cost as much as a Netflix subscription. Or why housing prices are so high that millennials are considering living in vans. Just a thought.
In the meantime, we’ll be over here, laughing at the irony of a political movement that claims to love freedom but is terrified of a 16-year-old with a GitHub account. Stay scared, MAGA. The future is female—and it’s written in Java.
